I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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