i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my poor anus
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
