I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
