At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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