Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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