I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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