no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
