Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
