Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
