i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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