the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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