Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize