Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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