my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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