Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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