Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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