hotel room ftw
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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