i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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