he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
