But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
