THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
