I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize