So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
