i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
