i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Randomize
