I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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