also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
