Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
areolas are like halos for boobs.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
