i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
