haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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