ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
