sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
