How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
