He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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