And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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