it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
