You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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