5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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