My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
