phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
