it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
