Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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