she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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