I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
