I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize