brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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