Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
