Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
