you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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