just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize