I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize