Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
