dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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