So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
