so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
