Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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