who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize