Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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