the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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