It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The ass gains better be worth it
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