that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
