Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
