you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm passing your future prison.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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