my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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