I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
